Will you accept me the way I am?
by Hogwartsgirl221B
Summary: A dying Arthur is brought back to Camelot, but Gaius has set out to provide medical assisstance with a great number of cases of illness. Unfortunately the affected village is too remote for him to reach Camelot quick enough and Merlin, who realises that his magic is useless for healing Arthur, makes a radical and momentous decision.. /REVEAL FIC/friendship only/no slash/series4(AU)


**Note: I based this story slightly on 'the diamond of the day' that is I used some of the original quotes and sometimes modified them. These Merlin/Arthur scenes were so perfect I wanted to pay tribute to the finale of this lovely show by giving the magic reveal a shot myself.**

' _I can't let him die without knowing…'_

Again, and again these words kept circling through his mind.

After 5 hours of pacing Gaius' chamber, sitting by Arthur's bed and repeatedly flicking through all these now useless books about magic he found himself once more on an old, scratched stool in the king's rooms, holding the hand of the lifeless body of his dear friend.

There's was nothing that could cure him now (at least nothing he knew of), none of Merlin's magic was any use (not that he hadn't tried). And that drove him bonkers.

Why wasn't Gaius there when you needed him?

Swallowing hard, Merlin cleared his throat and cast an attentive glance at the door to make sure no one had come in without his notice.

"So…", he began hesitantly. So often he'd gone through this scenario in his mind but never had it included a lifeless body, " I-I know you probably can't hear me and even if you do, you'll never get a chance to- reply." He lowered his voice by another nuance. "But I need to relieve myself of something before you're gone for good. I want you to know me for real, and therefore- I have magic. There it is. I've had it all my life, and I've only used it to protect Camelot- you. That's why I always insisted on coming with you on your quests. And I always held your back…except on this one."

'Yeah,' he thought bitterly, 'it had been my fault, my damned mistake.'

He had been combing through tomes all night, which was why he'd only gotten to bed with the first morning light, and thus overslept, as Gaius had been out , doing his usual morning errands. Arthur hadn't been pleased when by almost noon Merlin had neither brought him breakfast nor mucked out his horses, cleaned his armour let alone shown up at all. When Merlin had finally hurried to his chambers he'd found a very peeved king brooding over some ancient maps (at least he'd managed to get dressed- more or less).

He'd shouted at Merlin for a couple of minutes and then sentenced him to cleaning not only his entire chambers but, as he'd been quite annoyed the day before because Merlin had been woolgathering all day, also Agravaine's, whilst he had to attend important council matters.

So it came to pass that when an urgent report from one of the outer lying villages arrived, Arthur and his knights had no time to lose and set out instantly. At dusk Merlin had eventually finished and only then noticed that Arthur was gone. He'd been full of anxiety but clueless as to where exactly they'd gone but he'd suspected it was just one of the small quest posing no great peril. And Merlin (to his reget) had left it at that.

Sometime during the night – Merlin hadn't been able to sleep anyway, continuously pondering whether he'd made the right decision- the bell had started banging cataclysmically, boding ill, and the knights returned, Leon leading the King's horse. Its owner had been lying on its back like a sack of potatoes, unconscious.

And of course Gaius had left during the day to provide aid to one of the small villages, very prone to rapidly spreading diseases and this one's inhabitants seemed to have been affected rather badly. He'd said it might take a few days so he hadn't been there to examine the lifeless body of the king. Merlin himself had had no idea as Arthur looked perfectly fine- save the fact that he was motionless. Over these 12 hours, though, his heartbeat had slowed down so rapidly that now Merlin gave him an hour. Maybe less.

Naturally a messenger had been send straight after Gaius but the village was rather remote so so ie was more than unlikely that Gaius'd be back in time.

Weary of all the worrying, Merlin closed his eyes. All this seemed so surreal. If only a miracle could happen now, for some reason…somehow…

With a bang the door burst open. Startled, Merlin leapt to his feet. "Gaius?!", he exclaimed with a mixture of increduility and relief. The old physician hurried over to the bed and began examining Arthur. "It's almost too late- I've treated a case like this before, once. Merlin, got to my chambers, now, search for a book titled "Beasts of old". That's the only thing that can save him now. I'll be there as soon as possible. Now!" Merlin, who'd been rooted to the spot, awoke from his rigidity and sprinted to the door.

I had the weirdest dream!", Arthur announced as he strolled into his chambers and saw Merlin piling a batch of clean shirts in his large cupboard.

"Oh yeah?" He and Gaius had agreed that it was best for everyone not to tell Arthur what exactly had happened. They'd also asked the knights to keep up the pretence that a confused and frightened villager who'd been left behind, had managed to knock him out in the belief he was an enemy and fled, scared to death.

So Merlin didn't even look up when Arthur came in, obviously as good as new. What if he'd heard what Merlin had told him?

"I dreamt that you told me you were a 'sorcerer'." Merlin let the basket drop but Arthur only let out a hearty laugh, and flinched. Well, _full_ recovery still seemed to be a few days away still. "Ridiculous, isn't it? Extraordinary what you're mind conjures up when you're unconscious." Apparently he'd gotten over the disgrace of having been knocked out by some commoner quite well. He patted Merlin's shoulder in passing and let himself fall on the chair behind his desk. Merlin didn't reply.

"What's the matter with you, Merlin?", Arthur asked, a trifle annoyed." Not glad to see me again? Were you hoping to finally get rid of me and your duties?" He grinned, but Merlin didn't even crease his face.

His heart had started to race and his mind was spinning- so he had heard him, even if he believed it a dream. If he was to reveal himself now what would happen? Would he really be sentenced to death? After all these years? Or simply be banished? Be that as it may, he didn't think he could go through last night's scenario again. He should seize this chance however crazy that decision might seem , and even if he pushed his luck by doing so.

"What is it? Did I do something to upset you?"

"It was no dream." He'd meant to approach this subject carefully but the words had just stumbled out of his mouth.

"Beg your pardon?"

And eventually Merlin turned to look his friend in the eye. With a stern expression he repeated: "You didn't dream what you just said. It is true. Whilst you were senseless I-I thought you'd died on me and so I, well,… _I have magic_."

Not of his own volition tears had started to fill his eyes and his voice trembled, unable to be controlled.

"I-"

"Woah, woah, woah!", Arthur interrupted him. "I thought I was the one knocked out but it seems you got a nasty bashing as well. Merlin, _you_ are not a sorcerer, _I_ would know."

"No, I am", he took a step forward, more steadily than he'd imagined. Now he was past the point of no return. "but I only ever used it for you and Camelot, Arthur- to keep you save!"

"Merlin, stop it", Arthur intervened. "Come on, we'll get you up to Gaius, you don't seem well at all." He got up.

"I can prove it."

The king halted and replied, crossing his arms, "Fine, go ahead."

Reluctantly, Merlin's gaze focused on the two candles illuminating Arthur's desk. His eyes flashed golden and the flames started to merge and spread until the tips formed the wings of a small, crimson phoenix, fluttering slightly.

"No", Arthur breathed hoarsely, and stumbled backwards towards the wall. "No, it can't- it-!"

"I'm sorry." His heart was still racing as if it feared that its life would soon end.

"Guards!", Arthur called out, his voice cracking," guards, quick- seize him!"

"Arthur, please-", Merlin pleaded with a cracking voice. But already two strong men had grabbed his arms from behind.

"Bring him to the dungeons."

They obeyed without hesitation. As Merlin looked back the last thing he saw was the hurt mixed with utter confusion and fear on the young man's face who was clinging to the curtains beside him like they were the only things that could prevent him from falling into the deep abyss of betrayal.

Creakingly, the cell door opened and Merlin, facing the wall, turned his head slightly.

"Merlin!" And before he knew what was happening, Merlin found himself pulled around into a firm hug. Cautiously, Gaius took a step backwards, deep wrinkles of worry defining his kind face. "I've heard what you've done." He paused for a moment. "Come on, sit down", he said softly and steered Merlin over to the narrow, cold stone bench at the dirty wall. The younger man didn't say a word, let alone look at Gaius. The old man exhaled slowly. "I understand", he muttered. "Listen, I knew this had to happen at some point- I know you too well to think differently- and even though this came a little… unexpected, you have my sympathy. I know Arthur was not far away from death when I arrived. I'm sorry I was so slow." And now Merlin looked Gaius in the eye. His expression was blank since he simply didn't know what to conceive. Anger? Sadness? Disappointment? Anxiety? Somehow all these emotions had overwhelmed him- and now battled for dominance - after he'd left Arthur, but he couldn't even quite figure out what he'd actually expected. He'd probably hoped for the utopian notion of Arthur's plain acceptance- after all these years of friendship. But that he'd be thrown into the cells like a common outlaw…

"It wasn't your fault. Don't you blame yourself, I adhere to what I did but I don't know why I insisted on it, I mean-" He blinked quickly several times to regain control over his water resources. "I just could've let him believeg he dreamt it. But it felt right, like I should finally take this chance. Have you seen him?"

"No ", Gaius answered tardily. "He seems to be in his chambers on his own. The guards told me they'd arrested you." He gave Melin a thoughtful look. "He feels betrayed, naturally, but I'm sure he will come round. At least-he hasn't sentenced you of sorts?"

"No, just had me tossed in here."

"You've been friends for so long, he will not execute you, he's not like his father."

"I know, but it's still about magic, isn't it?"

The door opened once more.

"Everything is going to be fine", he said softly and briefly rested his hand on Merlin's shoulder. He tried to appear calm and reassuring but for that moment Merlin could feel the doubt and apprehension lying underneath.

The next hour seemed to drag on excruciatingly during which Merlin attempted not to think of Arthur or the consequences his decision might have. Could foolhardiness prove fatal for fulfilling his destiny?

"Who are you?"

Merlin, who'd slid down the brick wall, jumped to his feet. Arthur, his arms folded, stood with enough distance in front of the bars of his cell.

"Arthur- what?"

"Merlin is not a sorcerer, he couldn't have hidden that from me for so long. Merlin wouldn't have deceived me like this. So, what have you done to my servant." The coldness of his voice and the aversion on his face seemed to press on Merlin's lungs inducing difficulties in breathing.

"Arthur, please, it's me", he pleaded.

"Really?" The deriding tone was clearly audible. "Well, then prove it." His expression was unfathomable.

Silence.

"Do you remember-." Merlin broke off, clearing his throat before recommencing. "Do you remember our second meeting? " A twitching of Arthurs left eye indicated he did.

"I was being quite… rude to you, called you a prat, though you were the prince, so you started attacking me with your Morning star. You somewhat chased me all the way to one of the sheds where I fell. I knew you were going to hit me any moment so all I could do was- to defend myself by means of magic. I bewitched two large hooks hanging down just behind you so that you weapon wound around them as you swung it. That gave me at least time to get up again, and the crowd that was watching had something to laugh about. You were confused. Next I let you trip into a wooden box and over a rope I'd just stretched. You were lying on the ground so I took your morning star, and as soon as you were up again I forced you back a few steps when you stepped into a small bucket and fell on your back. I saw Gaius, not looking too pleased about me getting into the second fight with you on my first day, which distracted me for a moment and that gave you time to almost knock me out with a broom. I feared the worst, but", Merlin looked straight into Arthur's face," you let me go. You called me an idiot but a brave one."

During Merlin's narrative Arthur's mouth had slowly opened as if many pieces had now fallen into place. "You cheated?"

"Yes…."

Arthur turned on the spot once running his fingers over his face. "Why", he asked huskily, "Why did you never tell me?"

"I thought you'd chop my head off."

Arthur looked irresolute. "Maybe, I don't know. But you deceived me, all these years I thought I knew you, I trusted you.

"I'm sorry."

"Me too."

Both of them fell quiet. Merlin, standing like a slumped statue in the middle of his cell, Arthur occasionally pacing, looking anywhere but at Merlin, clearly trying to get his head around things.

Eventually he said," if you have magic, why have you lived as my servant all this time?"

This was a crucial part, Merlin knew that. "Some men are born to plough fields. Some live to be great physicians, others to be great kings. Me? I was born to serve you, Arthur. And I'm proud of that, and I wouldn't change a thing."

Arthur only stared at Merlin like he'd never actually seen him before. He took a step forward.

"Magic can be used as a force for good. I have saved your life so many times- it is my destiny, as it has been since the day we met."

"So what would you have me do then?"

"I know you have no reason to trust me now, but I am still the same person."

"You know nothing will ever be the same again from this day on. You misused my trust and I feel I don't know you at all, but I've had time to think over the past hours."

"So you're not going to execute me?"

"No", Arthur said softly. "But if I let you out and keep living here in Camelot, it'd mean I would have to legalise sorcery in Camelot, and that is against everything my father ever taught me."

"But", Merlin added carefully, "it certainly wouldn't mean the destruction of everything you have achieved to build. Dark magic is practiced anyway, and you can't stop it, but the legalisation would bring about resolutions to so many problems. And you know I'm right, because you wouldn't be here if it hadn't been for magic."

"But my father would be…"

"That's not exactly true. The magician you hired really tried to heal him- I, uh, know him. But Morgana did something that reversed his spell- she'd planned it all."

"Why should I believe you."

"Because it was Merlin."

Arthur spun around. Gaius had come back. He was standing at the door leading to the stairs.

"Hang about. You knew?" Arthur looked from Gaius to Merlin. Both them looked away.

"Oh God."

"My mother", Merlin said quickly, "sent me to Camelot due to my magic - Gaius was always there to protect me."

Arthur sighed. "But what do you mean 'it was Merlin'. The sorcerer was an old man.

"Yes, still appearances can be deceiving."

Arthur shrank back to the wall. Obviously all that was too much to take in.

"So much is starting to make sense now. Is there anything else I should know.?"

'Well, let's go the whole hog', Merlin thought. "I am the last Dragonlord."

Arthur closed his eyes. "Gaius, please, leave us."

Gaius inclined his head reluctantly, but before he left he added, "But you should know, sire, that it is said Merlin is the greatest sorcerer ever to have set foot on earth."

"Merlin?" The doubt was audible.

"You need him, sire, because one day you will realise just how much he has done for you." And with that he disappeared.

There was silence, this time even longer and more tense than before. Merlin wasn't sure how to feel since he couldn't possibly imagine how Arthur must feel. And everything was happening so fast he couldn't believe it was reality. Uncertainty was reflected on Arthur's face.

The king opened his mouth, but as he began to speak, the warning bell started and the next moment. Sir Leon appeared rushing down the stairs. He froze for a moment when he saw Merlin and only gave him a vague look before announcing the news breathlessly. "Sire, Morgana has been sighted not far from here. The village has been raided by her men and it seems she's heading for Camelot, destroying each settlement on her way."

"I'm coming, make sure our horses will be prepared instantly", Arthur replied swiftly and Leon bustled off.

"Arthur."

Arthur hestitated.

"When have I ever harmed you", he resumed," I've been at your side, always. And you know happened to you last time I wasn't there. Against Morgana you don't stand a chance without me."

Arthur bit his lip and cursed under his breath. He had to hurry. "Fine, but I'll keep a wary eye on you. I do not know how my knights will regard this decision so do not expect so courtesy from them. And", he added as he unlocked the cell door," don't you think we're good now." Merlin nodded and together they followed Leon out of the dungeons.

Although it took a while Merlin and Arthur grew closer together once more- magic was legalised in Camelot which brought along wealth and prosperity in spite of Morgana's mischief since now magicians were enabled to unite their forces and thus take action against her and her allies. And so it came to pass that Arthur and Merlin could eventually build the Albion legend spoke of for they are and always will be _two sides of the same coin._


End file.
